


Unholy

by Labyrinth_Runner



Series: Unholy [1]
Category: Star Wars Prequel Trilogy
Genre: F/M, NSFW, full smut, like both versions
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-25
Updated: 2020-10-24
Packaged: 2021-03-09 00:29:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,174
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27185215
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Labyrinth_Runner/pseuds/Labyrinth_Runner
Summary: Hi, so I had a 1000 follower celebration on my blog, so I wrote four different one shots based off the song Unholy by Hey Violet. The two chapters in here are my Obidala versions. The first one is purely Obidala. The second one is Obidala while she's married to Anakin. So. Just a heads up if that's not your cup of tea.
Relationships: Padmé Amidala/Obi-Wan Kenobi
Series: Unholy [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1984435
Kudos: 29





	1. Version One

She was dreaming again. She knew it. It was Anakin, but not the Anakin she last saw. No, this was the Anakin she had lost. It wasn’t a dream she was acting in, it was a dream she was trapped in, watching the memories replay over and over as she heard Obi-Wan’s warnings in her head. It was her mind trying to make sense of it all, looking for the signs that she had clearly missed and finding them to be so glaringly obvious now. It was odd, to watch herself being with Anakin in every sense of the word while replaying the things Obi-Wan had told her. Yet, here she was, forced to go through the motions with her husband in her sleep while plagued with the thoughts of another man. 

She woke up feeling more tired than she was when she went to bed, staring up at the canopy of her bed in the room that Breha and Bail had given her. Her first thought, post dream, wasn’t about Anakin or missing the relationship that had died on Mustafar, but instead it was about the Jedi that ended up caring about her more than her husband. It was the Jedi that saved her. It was the Jedi she trusted. _It was Obi-Wan_. She ran her hands through her hair as she got out of bed and went about the start of her day. When she didn’t hear the twins crying, she rushed to their rooms to make sure they were still there, and that they hadn’t been taken by the Empire. Yet, what she found there was peace. It was a man with auburn hair and a beard rocking a cooing baby while he used his other hand to playfully tickle another in their crib.

“For a Jedi, it’s almost like you were meant to be a father,” she commented.

Obi-Wan gazed at her for a moment before a blush formed, “Yes, well. I’ve always enjoyed helping out with the younglings at the Temple. They’re hungry, but I know how you’ve been having trouble sleeping lately so I figured I would soothe them until you woke up.”

Padmé nodded, picking up Luke from the crib and heading over to a rocking chair in the corner to feed him. Obi-Wan looked everywhere but at that corner. 

“You miss him,” he murmured.

“Don’t you?” she asked before sighing, “If I’m being honest with myself, I was more used to living a life without Anakin than I was living with him. In a sense, this transition isn’t as hard as you all would think. I fear you lost more than I did that night.”

“I lost my best friend and brother,” he admitted, looking down at Leia, “But I gained a lot that night, as well.”

“You see them as your own?” she asked, blushing.

“Can you blame me for that? I’ve been with you and with them since they were born. It’s hard not to look at them and not feel a connection. Besides, they’re all we have left of the Anakin we knew,” he swallowed.

Padmé sighed, swapping out Luke to feed Leia. “Are they? Are we sure we knew the real Anakin? What if he always was Vader? The signs were there, Obi-Wan.”

“You said yourself that there’s still good in him,” Obi-Wan replied, trying to burp Luke.

“I was a woman in denial over losing her husband,” she admitted, finishing up with Leia. “It’s hard to look at the end of a relationship that you cherished for so long and to not hope that maybe it could still be saved. Yet, you’ve seen the holonet. You know what he’s done. It’s hard to think that the man I married is still in there.”

She came over and settled the child back in her crib, taking Luke and doing the same. Gently, she placed her hand on top of Obi-Wan’s. A shiver went down her spine at the touch, but she buried the feeling. “I’ll see you at breakfast.”

Padmé made her way out of the room and got dressed before going down to eat breakfast with Bail, Breha, and Obi-Wan in their private dining room. The discussion was about the rebellion that Bail was continuing to build. Padmé wanted so badly to be a part of it, but after publicly having a funeral for her, she knew she was relegated to working in the shadows. Few knew of her existence, and unfortunately it had to be kept that way, to the point where the only people allowed to work in the palace were those that the Organas knew were loyal and sworn to secrecy about the existence of Padmé and Obi-Wan. 

After breakfast, they went their separate ways. Padmé decided to find a book to read in the garden, but then she found Obi-Wan training in the garden and she decided to watch him in secret instead. 

It had been months since the incident on Mustafar, very nearly a year had past, and she found herself getting closer and closer to the Jedi that had already been her friend for years. Yet, just as she had done with Anakin, she couldn’t admit to herself that she loved Obi-Wan. However, her reasoning for not admitting that fact was different this time. It wasn’t because he was a Jedi, nor was it because they both had their duties. No, she couldn’t admit that she loved Obi-Wan Kenobi, because she felt like to do so would be to betray Anakin. She felt guilty, remembering how Anakin already thought that she had been with Obi-Wan when she begged him to come back to her that fateful night. She felt guilty because an irrational part of her told her that she was to blame for the state of the galaxy. She had displaced the former Chancellor Vallorum, leading to Palpatine’s appointment. She had married Anakin even though she knew it was wrong. She was the reason he had turned to the dark side. How could all of this _not_ be her fault? She counted herself lucky enough that she had the twins in her life, but to want more than that, to want to be happy felt like something she didn’t deserve. Obi-Wan Kenobi was someone she didn’t deserve. Not when she was the reason he couldn’t be a Jedi anymore. Yet, that didn’t make her want him any less. Watching him now, working through the different poses of whatever form he was training on, made her mind drift. Her mind thought about how those rippling arms would feel wrapped around her waist, pulling her close. His beard glistened in the sun and she pictured what it would be like to feel it tickle it’s way up her thighs as he kissed her. She shouldn’t want a Jedi this way, and she should have learned her lesson, but she didn’t. Padmé Amidala wanted to worship Obi-Wan Kenobi. She wanted to lose herself in him and him in her, even though to do so would be unholy.

“Do you always watch men in secret?” a voice came beside her.

“Your majesty!” Padmé jumped.

Breha pressed a finger to her lips, “Your secret is safe with me. Just as his secret trips to watch you read is a secret that is safe with my husband.”

Padmé blushed, “He does that?”

“Walk with me,” Breha said, offering Padmé her arm. They looped it together and strolled through the garden, further away from Obi-Wan.

“I appreciate all you’ve done for me,” Padmé told her, “Claiming the children as your own as well as housing Obi-Wan and I is no simple task.”

“The children are beautiful, and I’ve always wanted an heir. As for you and the Jedi… I find that in these times, it is beneficial to keep your friends close so that you may help protect them. Besides, a Jedi is always good to have around,” she winked.

“I suppose so,” Padmé blushed.

“Have you seen how he looks at you?” Breha asked.

“He’s just a friend,” Padmé sighed.

“A friend who has saved your life, and chose to stay with you when he could’ve gone into hiding like Master Yoda. You wouldn’t have been alone here, and yet he still chose to stay.”

“A very good friend.”

“You love him.”

“I made the mistake of loving a Jedi once before and look what it did to the galaxy,” she sighed in frustration.

“Padmé, none of this is your fault. Anakin was manipulated by an old man-”

“Who _I_ put into power,” Padmé added.

“Who is a Sith Lord that would have done whatever it took to get that power, _with or without your help,_ ” Breha corrected. “But, at the end of the day, Anakin made his choices. Unfortunately, now we all have to live with them. However, that doesn’t mean that we all have to be miserable while we do. We cannot be sad all the time. We owe it to ourselves to find light in the darkness and to grow that light until it is strong enough to win.”

“Your majesty, what are you implying?”

“I’m implying that you find your new happiness, whatever that may be.”

“I always thought that would have been Anakin,” she admitted.

“Plans change, just as people do. It is up to us to adapt and change with them,” Breha advised, gently patting Padmé’s hand. “Now, if you’ll excuse me, I must finalize some decisions for the twins’ birthday party tomorrow.”

Padmé watched Breha walk away before spending the rest of her day reading in the library to try and get her mind off of everything. Yet, every book she read would turn into her and Obi-Wan in her head. Eventually, she gave up and went to bed where her head took over completely in her dreams. After her talk with Breha, she found herself warming up more and more to the idea of being with Obi-Wan. The Queen had been right. She should try to find happiness, and the spark she felt with Obi-Wan could just be enough to set a fire that would vanquish the dark.

Her dreams that night were about Obi-Wan. In her mind, they were in bed together. His arms held her against him as they kissed over and over. They explored the new territory that was each other’s bodies in a way that just friends simply did not do. 

Obi-Wan was in the hall on his way to his room. As always, he checked on the children one last time during the night, and was about to check on Padmé to see if she was sleeping. Sometimes when she was very fitful, he’d soothe her mind with the force. Tonight, though, she seemed to be sleeping peacefully when he peaked in. As he was about to leave, he heard it, and it made him blush. His name, moaned from Padmé’s lips. Quickly, he closed the door and leaned against it. Did she feel the same way? He’d been warring with himself this whole time over his feelings. He hadn’t loved someone like this in a long time, and the fact that it was his best friend’s wife gave him further pause. Although, he supposed that Anakin wasn’t his friend any longer. After all, they did try to kill each other. Still, the thought of loving Padmé and being a family with the twins made his heart skip a beat. The night he almost lost her in childbirth is a night he would never forget. All he could remember was begging the force to spare Padmé. He couldn’t handle losing another person that night. He begged the force to give her a second chance at happiness. Only, he hadn’t realized that the force intended that second chance to be him. Life could never be simple, could it? 

The next day, the two of them cast furtive glances at each other over the breakfast table. When they were caught, they would look away with a blush on their face. It had been almost a year that they had spent together. After Breha’s talk with Padmé, that was how she was trying to think of it. It wasn’t a year without Anakin, it was a year with Obi-Wan. She kept repeating that thought in her head throughout the day as she saw him smiling at her from afar. Something about him seemed different today. He wasn’t as timid with her as he had been the last few months. It was almost like he was back to his old charming self. 

When he came to escort her down to the party, they both stood in silence for a moment, taking each other in.

“Padmé, you look beautiful,” he said, breathless.

“You clean up fairly well yourself,” she winked, “For a Jedi.”

“Yes, well, Senator Organa had this sent over for me,” he blushed. “Shall we?”

“We shall,” she smiled, taking his arm and letting him lead her to the ballroom for the twins’ birthday party. Thankfully, everyone was required to wear a mask, so no one would recognize them. From across the room, Breha shot Padmé a wink.

“May I have this dance?” Obi-Wan asked as the music started up.

“You may,” Padmé murmured, letting him lead her out onto the dance floor. The two of them twirled around the floor like they were the only two people in the room. Yet, Padmé’s mind was far from in the moment as she looked into Obi-Wan’s eyes. She was drowning in those blue seas as she thought of everything they’d been through. She wanted to kiss him, she wanted to stay in his arms like this forever, but looking around at the celebration for the children she had with another man broke the spell.

“I’m sorry, I can’t do this,” she said, pulling away from him. Swiftly, and as nonchalantly as she could so as not to make a scene, she left the ballroom and went back up to her room, not noticing the man staring after her from the dance floor.

Tears streamed down her face as she started to sob. Padmé knew it was stupid, but she felt lonely. She thought she’d always have a family with Anakin, and now that that dream was up in smoke, it was hard to see her children claimed by someone else. It was hard to see her heart be claimed by another man. She felt like everything she had ever planned had blown up in her face and now she was left cradling the shards of the life she had built and they were cutting her.

Footsteps sounded behind her and a pair of strong arms pulled her to a hard chest.

“Padmé,” Obi-Wan sighed. “What happened back there?”

“Have you ever wanted something so bad, but then it all breaks apart? And then when you find something new to want, you feel guilty for doing so?”

“Would you like to know what I do when something breaks apart?” he asked softly, tilting her head towards his and using his thumb to wipe her tears away.

“What do you do, Obi-Wan?”

“I make something new. Life isn’t meant to be one seamless piece of art,” he murmured. “It’s a mosaic of plans that don’t work out and starting again, but in the end it still creates something beautiful.”

“Do you feel the way I do?” she asked softly.

“Guilty?” he asked, “Like somehow all of this could have been prevented had I done something differently? Like I’m wrong for holding you like this?”

Padmé looked down at her hands on his chest, feeling something akin to resolve in her gut, “Don’t say it’s unholy if I let you come hold me. I know it’s wrong that I want to be here in your arms, but tonight I’m so lonely.”

“You’re surrounded by people who love you,” he murmured, cupping her cheek.

Standing face-to-face with him like this, the world fell away. Her heart was thumping in her chest to the point where she knew he could hear it. Her fingers itched to touch the skin beneath his clothes. The way he looked at her, not even hiding the fact that he clearly loved her, with pure adoration in his eyes was tempting. Looking back on the past year, she knew the truth. Deep down, she’d always known that he loved her. He was leaving everything open to her. It was up to her to make the first move, because he respected her enough to want to validate whatever she was feeling. _Respect_. That was something she didn’t always get from Anakin. Anakin who? Anakin was gone. All that was left was Vader, and she didn’t love Vader. No, she loved this man who held her right now like she was the most precious thing in the world. She loved this man who had always been there for her and her children. 

Her fingers on his chest bent into the fabric as she made up her mind and pulled him into her, kissing him passionately. She felt his lips quirk into a smile against hers as his hands slipped into her hair to kiss her back. His fingers tangled into her curls as they walked backwards towards the bed. All the thoughts Padmé had had, her reservations about the two of them, and any emotional hang ups melted away in the heat of their love. They peeled away the layers of each other to explore, trailing featherlight kisses along every inch of newfound territory that they sought to claim as their’s. There was a newness and a slight bumble to them as they adjusted to each other, but once they were in tune with the other person, it was like coming home in a way neither had felt before with anyone else. While before Padmé had only ever known stolen love, she now knew what it was like to make it, to create it with someone from the ground up in a way that gave them both bliss. Obi-Wan showed her stars that she had never seen before as they melded themselves together like two halves forming a whole. With every kiss, they put each other back together, healing the shared heart break they had experienced. They may have lost someone that night a year ago, but they had also found each other and themselves. They found a family and a home, and neither would ever give that up for the galaxy. 

As they laid together, basking in the glowing embers of the fire they had stoked, Padmé Amidala laid her head upon his chest. Softly, Obi-Wan Kenobi ran his hand up and down her back as he held her close. In the silence there was comfort, a comfort that gave Padmé the strength to say what she needed to say.

“I love you,” she admitted finally, speaking the truth into existence. “I love the way you are with our children. I love the fact that you’ve never been anything other than someone I know I can trust. I love you, Obi-Wan Kenobi.”

“I love you, too, darling,” Obi-Wan replied, tipping her chin up to kiss her softly. 

In that moment, everything felt right in a galaxy that was so wrong, leading Padmé to believe that perhaps this wasn’t as unholy after all.


	2. Version Two

Padmé’s eyes widened as they settled upon the face of a man that she hadn’t seen in ten years. She had thought he was attractive when she first met him and Qui-Gon on her home planet of Naboo, but the years had only found a way to turn boyish charm into a man who sent her mind to places a senator simply could not go. She almost hadn’t recognized him, had it not been for the confident smirk and the blue eyes that had burned into her memory since she’d almost drowned in them so many years earlier. It was those eyes that she’d see whenever she thought of leaving her political life behind and settling down. As the investigation into the assassination attempt continued, she found herself torn and sent with his Padawan. With the war starting, she now had two men in her life. However, the man she really wanted offered her nothing more than a courteous friendship. She’d settle for that as long as it kept him in her orbit. 

That was how she ended up entangled with Anakin. He had grown from an adorable child to a handsome young man who clearly had affections for her. She would be a fool to turn his interest away. Especially when she could be happy with Anakin. After all, the man worshipped the ground she walked on. They could be happy, couldn’t they? The thought swirled through her head as they kissed on Naboo, forever binding themselves to one another. She had been elated that day. Who wouldn’t be happy on their wedding day? Yet, deep down, she knew that Obi-Wan Kenobi still held onto a piece of her heart and would never let go.

The years dragged on and Padmé found herself becoming disillusioned with the life she had. She saw Anakin less and less, and when they did see each other, she found that they kept more secrets or fought more often than not. 

She came home one night to a long-haired man looking out over the Coruscant skyline on her balcony. Her heard skipped a beat, remembering the handsome Jedi who she had gone to rescue on Geonosis. _And then he turned around_. The eyes were blue, but they weren’t the same.

A small smile flitted across her face as she mentally admonished herself. “Ani, it’s been too long.”

His arms wrapped around her, hugging her close, but she was worlds away with another man as Anakin led them back to the bedroom. She felt awful, but with her eyes closed and her hand in his hair, she could almost pretend it was Obi-Wan who held her like this. Obi-Wan who kissed her. Obi-Wan who was desperately trying to fit them together. It wasn’t bad, but it wasn’t perfect. It was like a stone that didn’t break cleanly. Pieces were missing and it would never fit together again. Deep down, she buried the truth. She loved Anakin, but she loved Obi-Wan more. It was her secret shame.

When she awoke the next morning to an empty bed, she wasn’t even disappointed. He never stayed the night. She knew that. Besides, she didn’t quite know what she would do if he had. He’d left a note, apologizing and saying that he would be gone on a campaign for months. He’d keep in touch.

Padmé went about her morning, going to work. She threw her all into the bills on the Senate floor, wanting to make a difference. Around mid-day, she forced herself to take a break. 

“ _Senator_ ,” a voice purred from her doorway.

Her heart skipped a beat as she recognized the voice instantly.

“Master Kenobi?” she asked, getting up from her desk. 

He went over and hugged her close. “My friend, it has been too long.”

She pulled back and reached up, “You’ve cut your hair. It suits you.”

“But the beard has stayed,” he smiled.

“I’ve always liked it, but I must admit it makes you look older,” she teased.

“Well, Darling, Master Yoda said something about ‘your boyish-charm, spark wars, it will,’ so I think it’s a permanent fixture at this point,” he chuckled.

“Good,” she blushed, taking his chin in her fingers so that her thumb settled on the cleft. “The only drawback is that it covers up your dimples.”

“Do you have a moment?” he asked softly, looking at her with such tenderness that he reserved only for her, “I would love to catch up.”

“For you, Obi-Wan? Always,” she smiled softly as she led him to the couch in her office. She made him some tea and settled in to listen to his war stories. Halfway through, her mind began to wander. She thought about the night before, about how she’d thought of him in bed with her. As she looked at him now, images flashed through her mind of places she wanted that beard to go. 

“Senator, are you alright? You’re flushed,” Obi-Wan asked in concern as he reached over to test her forehead for fever.

“I-I’m fine,” she blushed. 

Obi-Wan checked the time and sighed, “Well, I regret to inform you that I must get going.”

“Wait!” she said, stopping him. “I have a Senate function tonight. I was wondering if maybe you would be my date.”

Obi-Wan’s brow furrowed. “Date?” 

Padmé shrugged, “Captain Typho has been a bit nervous about my attendance. I’m sure that having a Jedi escort me would put his mind at ease. Unless you don’t have the time.”

“Nonsense. I always have the time for you,” he replied. “I’d love to be your plus one. Should I pick you up, or meet you there?”

“Perhaps meet me there,” she murmured. “I wouldn’t want to cause a scandal.” _Or risk Anakin finding out,_ she mentally added.

Obi-Wan nodded. “Very well, I’ll meet you there. Have a good day, Padmé.”

The hours passed by much too slowly for Padmé’s liking, but finally, she found herself dressed to the nines and walking into the event on Obi-Wan Kenobi’s arm.

“You clean up nicely for a Jedi,” she teased.

“And you look beautiful for a politician,” he winked.

The music started and he looked down at her with a mischievous twinkle in his eye. “Shall we?”

Padmé swallowed the lump in her throat and nodded. She let the handsome Jedi twirl her around the floor, relishing in the feeling of being in his arms. A part of her loved this, having wanted him to hold her for so long, but another part of her kept thinking about Anakin. The music suddenly felt too loud, echoing in her ears. Her heart was thumping in her chest as her gaze shifted to everyone watching her, turning into a blur as they swirled past. 

“I- I need air,” she struggled to say, breaking free from him and leaving him alone on the dance floor as she quickly searched for an escape path. 

She cut through the attached library and out onto the veranda. The cool night air licked at her skin, sending a shiver down her spine. Padmé leaned against the railing, putting her face in her hands.

“Oh, Padmé, what are you _doing_?” she asked hopelessly. She thought about her husband, _Anakin_ , not noticing Obi-Wan Kenobi coming out behind her. “If he knew about any of this, it would break his heart.” She let out a soft sigh. _“But, I can’t help it._ ”

“Can’t help what?” Obi-Wan asked as he shut the door behind him.

Padmé turned to look at him, taking in the concern in his eyes. He looked just as torn up as she felt. Surely, he must feel the same about her as she did about him.

“Tell me that you love me and I’ll do it,” she pleaded, taking a step closer to him.

Obi-Wan sighed, brushing past her to walk over to the railing and look out at the stars. “Padmé, you know I can’t. That would violate the sanctity of your vows. Not to mention, he’s my best friend. I can’t hurt him like that.”

Padmé came up next to him, looking out in front of them. “Can’t or won’t?”

A silence fell upon them as he looked down at her, silently begging her not to do this. She could see the war behind his eyes as she gently reached up to cup his face. Her heart was racing as she watched his hand come up to take hers. 

Gently, he removed her hand from his cheek, “Won’t.”

Padmé’s face fell and she shook her head, blinking back tears. “I know that it’s wrong that I want to be here in your arms, but tonight I’m so lonely. Obi-Wan, he leaves before I wake up. We see each other once in a while. It’s _barely_ a marriage. I know he loves me, but we’re just so different. We fight more often than we should, and we keep so many secrets.”

“ _But he loves you_ ,” Obi-Wan repeated.

 _“But, I love you more_ ,” she admitted, letting the truth hang in the air, a tear slipped down her cheek.

Obi-Wan looked down. “I shouldn’t tell you this.”

“Why not?” she pressed.

“Because you’re married to a man who would go to the ends of the galaxy for you,” he said miserably. 

“But?” she asked softly.

“But, I’ve loved you since that day in your office when I saw you again for the first time,” he admitted.

Padmé let out a shaky breath, taking a step closer. “Then come on and show me.”

Obi-Wan hesitated, reaching up to cup her cheeks. With his thumb, he swiped the tear off her face. Then, he leaned down and pressed his lips firmly against hers. It was forbidden. It was _wrong_. It went against her vows, but _kriff_ , it was the best kiss of her life. Their kisses grew in fervor as they stepped back towards the library. 

“Obi-Wan, take me home,” she murmured.

He nodded, absconding from the party with his best friend’s wife and taking her back to her apartment. 

Reality was better than her visions as she found herself wrapped in his arms and worshipped in a way that made her want to give it back to him. They lost themselves in each other, and it was perfect. They fit together in a way she never would with Anakin. He loved her in a way Anakin never would. It was selfless love, where he expected nothing in return, yet was enthralled when she did give it back to him. Their kisses were sweet and overwhelmed her senses, drowning out any other thought except for him. His mouth explored her until she was a shivering, whimpering mess beneath him. She returned the favor until he was murmuring praise over and over again as his hand tightened in her hair. The first time was sweet and loving, exploring each other to find out what they liked best. Then, it was hard and fast. Obi-Wan had covered her mouth with his hand and then his mouth to keep her from causing her staff to be alarmed. By the end of the night, they were exhausted, collapsing into each other. Obi-Wan pulled her back against his chest and kissed her forehead. She laid in his arms, overwhelmed with bliss as she fell asleep, without another thought to any of it. 

When she woke the next morning, she still felt warmth around her. _He’d stayed_ , a quiet thought rang out in her head. Anakin had never stayed. _Anakin_. She turned in Obi-Wan’s arms to take in his peaceful face. The face of a man that she loved, but who was not her husband. Guilt and shame washed over her. _What had she done?_


End file.
